The Official Guide to Office Wellness by William R. Vitanyi

About Office Wellness

Numerous medical conditions affect office workers. Long periods of sitting leads to poor posture, staring at a monitor for hours on end causes eye strain, and repetitive commuting causes Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome. Germs, poor air quality, stress, and work all contribute to office illness on a scale never before seen in human history.

Something funny had to be done.

In The Official Guide to Office Wellness, the job of the models was to pose in bizarre positions on, over, and in their desks and cubicles. Photographed in offices, and inspired by animals, these models showed that laughter and an awkward pose can go a long way towards improving office wellness. As they posed to be photographed, the same complaint was frequent and familiar:

"That hurts."

Excerpts from Office Wellness

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AI Review of The Official Guide to Office Wellness

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"The Official Guide to Office Wellness: 101 Techniques for the Office or Cubicle" by William R. Vitanyi is a humorous and unconventional take on workplace well-being. Published in 2008, this 120-page hardcover book blends satire with practical insights, earning Vitanyi an IPPY award for humor that same year. It's not your typical wellness guide—rather than focusing solely on earnest advice like stretching or hydration, it uses a playful, animal-inspired approach to address the physical and mental strains of office life.

The book features 100 photographs of office workers mimicking animals in various poses—think sprawling over desks or crouching in cubicles—each paired with witty commentary and the Latin name of the animal that inspired the technique. Vitanyi's premise is that animals possess a natural wisdom that humans can tap into to combat workplace "maladies" like stress, boredom, or even quirky issues like "Office Nomadism" and "Cooler Phobia." The humor shines through in the absurdity of the scenarios, making it as much a parody of corporate self-help culture as it is a guide.

While the book's primary draw is its comedic value, it does subtly encourage readers to rethink their office habits. The techniques, though exaggerated, hint at real strategies—like movement to counter sedentary routines or mindfulness to ease mental fatigue. It's light on scientific backing or step-by-step instructions, so don't expect a deep dive into ergonomics or psychology. Instead, it's a quick, entertaining read best suited for those who enjoy office satire and don't mind a bit of silliness.

Readers seem to appreciate its originality. On Amazon, it's praised for its creative spin on a mundane topic, though some might find the humor niche or the wellness advice too tongue-in-cheek to be actionable. If you're looking for a serious health manual, this isn't it—but if you want a chuckle and a fresh perspective on cubicle life, Vitanyi delivers. It's a quirky coffee-table book for the corporate crowd, blending laughs with a nod to self-care.

Purchase

You can buy The Official Guide to Office Wellness as an eBook from the retailers below. If your favorite vendor is not listed, they may carry it as well.

Amazon Kindle
Barnes & Noble

About the Author

Bill lives in northwestern Pennsylvania with his family and many pets. He is an Edinboro University of Pennsylvania alumnus, with a Bachelor's degree in Russian Language and additional certifications in computer programming and operations.

He has written several books and apps, and numerous articles (see under Articles on the main page), and ran the Build-A-Book project.

Bill became aware of the existence of office maladies shortly after his tenth year as a cubicle worker. By then it was too late to do anything but make fun of the situation.

Unfortunately Office Cynicism is not covered in The Official Guide to Office Wellness. Perhaps in volume II.

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To contact the author send email to: Contact William R. Vitanyi

Human Reviews

"Hilarious"

"I am actually in this book (p.66). It was so much fun to watch the author plan out his photos and I am thrilled with the way this book turned out. It's not meant to be taken seriously but it's great for a laugh when you're sick of sitting at your desk all day! I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a good laugh to brighten up their day. " - Jessica H., Amazon.

"Great laugh for the office"

"I would reommend having this book available in the break room or by the coffee. If you work in an office, you will get a laugh out of this book. You will laugh out loud at the spoofs in this book about excercises cubicle dwellers can do. What is even funnier are the photo's of each excercise. Good for a laugh." - Finn Keene, Amazon.

"Editorial Review"

"Cube farmer Vitanyi enlisted a hundred coworkers and students at Edinboro University of Pennsylvania to help him realize his vision: a spoof of corporate wellness programs. The result is a slim book packed with regular Joes and Janes in outlandish poses inspired by animals, 'because animals have wisdom.' Though fun to flip through-poses range from laying atop open file cabinets ('Bighorn Sheep Wall Position,' to offset narcolepsy-induced filing) to headstands atop desks ('Hygenic Desk Compulsion,' allowing participants to 'see even the smallest particles' of a filthy office) to variations that defy easy description ('Glass Lizard Bucket Movement,' for watercooler phobia)-Vitanyi's text meanders likably enough, but doesn't provoke many laughs. The real attraction here is Vitanyi's poor, dead-eyed coworkers, stuck in positions funny enough to make you momentarily forget your own cramped cubicle blues." - Publishers Weekly

"funny"

"William R. Vitanyi, Jr., author of the office satire Kyuboria, brings us his latest office lampoon, The Official Guide to Office Wellness. This quirky and funny manual demonstrates 101 common office maladies and pairs them with animal-inspired techniques and exercises to relieve the condition. Each one is charmingly demonstrated by real office workers in the accompanying photos. There's a little something for every office dweller inside this book's pages, and more often than not, workers will chuckle at the conditions, smirk at the remedies, and laugh even harder at the full decriptions. From Bluescreenism to Coworker Adhesion Syndrome, Vitanyi proves that he's no office slouch. This is an environment he's in synch with, and his spot-on, wry observations are seldom discussed in general public in such a humorous manner, let alone compiled and chronicled so thoroughly as in this book. But that's part of the brilliance of the work. Because while it's 'fresh' material, it's also instantly recognizable to other office drones. Even if the reader doesn't suffer from some of the maladies, such as Compliance Disorder -- which every longtime office dweller should suffer at some juncture -- or Ambitionism, they'll surely recognize one of their office mates who does suffer from the afflictions. How he convinced so many people to pose in such a silly manner, I'll never know, though I suspect it has something to do with Task Exuberance. No matter how he pulled it off, this manual is the perfect escape to look forward to as a lunchtime break for those suffering from Noonism. And it'll make an even better coffee table book for office folks with a good sense of humor." - susan_d

"Move over Yoga"

"This book is a good way to lift the spirits and get to know your animals better. The pictures kept me turning the pages, and the text thoroughly explained each position with a hint of sarcasm. Keeping a copy of this around the office definitely wouldn't hurt, but some of the positions look like they might. Recommended for anyone in need of a little office cheer. " - N. Brown, Amazon.

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